Achieving Success After Recovering From Addiction
Be intentional about how you spend your time. Are you living a life true to who you want to be? Are you surrounding yourself with supportive, positive people? Are you moving toward your life goals? If not, do something different. Your life is happening right now.
When people are trapped in a severe addiction it can feel like there is no way out and there is no hope for a better future. This is of course not true. Millions of people are in recovery from an addiction and they go on to lead successful, fulfilling and inspiring lives.
Authority Magazine started a new series about women who were able to achieve great success after recovering from an addiction. The premise of the series is to offer hope and inspiration to people who feel trapped in similar circumstances.
As a part of this series we had the pleasure to interview Maria Leonard Olsen.
Maria Leonard Olsen is a Washington, D.C.-based attorney, radio show host, podcaster, recovery mentor and author. Her latest book 50 After 50 — Reframing the Next Chapter of Your Life (Rowman & Littlefield, 2019), has been used as a vehicle to help thousands of people reinvigorate their lives, especially after setbacks. Learn more about her work at www.MariaLeonardOlsen.com and follow her on social media at @FiftyAfter50.
Thank you so much for doing this with us! Before we dig in, our readers would like to get to know you a bit more. Can you tell us a bit about your childhood “backstory”?
Igrew up in an alcoholic home and began drinking at age 13. From the time I started, I drank to black out. I think it was to anesthetize me from the self-hatred I carried. I was raped as a teenager, and believed that it was my fault because I had been drunk at the time. My childhood was tumultuous but, as I learn in the rooms of my 12-step recovery program, not uncommon.
Do you feel comfortable sharing with our readers how you were initially introduced to your addiction? What drew you to the addiction you had?
I was introduced to drinking by my neighborhood friends. When I drank, my problems faded away, at least temporarily. Getting sick and blacking out did not outweigh my desire to escape my feelings of worthlessness.
As you know, addictions are often an attempt to mask an underlying problem. In your experience, what do you think you were really masking or running from in the first place? Can you explain?
Self-loathing was a huge part of my problem. I blamed myself for my sexual assault and did not tell anyone about it for decades. Instead, I drank it away. Until I could deal with my trauma, I could not fully heal from it. It popped up in my life in unexpected ways. I later learned that one in five American women will be the victim of sexual assault in her lifetime. If I had allowed another woman to bear witness to my pain, I may not have suffered for so long.
Can you share what the lowest point in your addiction and life was?
I drank my way out of a 25-year marriage. My then-husband could not deal with my self-destruction any longer. He asked me to leave our home and our children, who were then teenagers. I was living alone for the first time in my life. I felt rudderless.
Was there a tipping point that made you decide that you needed to change? Can you please share the story?
After my husband asked me to leave our home, I realized I had to change or I would lose my children and everything else, including my life. I had been driving drunk and had near misses with catastrophe. I went away to rehab and got the help I needed to deal with my life’s trauma and to learn healthy ways of coping with challenges. I had lived most of my life in fear, fearful of what others would think if they knew the real me. While in rehab, I learned how to love myself. I learned that I am enough and that no one can make me feel inferior without my consent. I learned how to take responsibility for my life and my own happiness and well-being.
Can you tell us the story about how you were able to overcome your addiction?
My sober sisters became my lifeline. They loved me until I could love myself. Part of recovery is paying it forward. They helped me and taught me how to help others. I learned that asking for help is a sign of humility and strength. We cannot do this alone. For many, the opposite of addiction is connection. It certainly is, for me.
How did you reconcile within yourself and to others the pain that addiction caused to you and them? Can you please share a story about that?
Part of recovery, according to the twelve steps of A.A., which I follow, is making amends to others and to yourself. We learn how to clean up our side of the street. We realize that secrets keep us sick. We live our amends by living a life true to ourselves and our values.
When you stopped your addiction, what did you do to fill in all the newfound time you had?
I changed almost everything about my life. I had to avoid triggering people, places and things that had contributed to my troublesome drinking. I surrounded myself with people who brought out the best in me. I volunteered. I did esteemable acts to raise my self-esteem.
What positive habits have you incorporated into your life, post addiction, to keep you on the right path?
Meditation is key for me. I strive to come from a centered space and to respond, instead of react. I practice the pause before responding to anything. I think before speaking and ask myself if what I am thinking of saying needs to be said or not.
Can you tell us a story about the success that you achieved after you began your recovery?
After I got sober, I took the Maryland Bar exam (I already was a member of the D.C. Bar, but was living in Maryland), and started practicing law after a 15-year break from practice. I had been lucky to be an at-home mom when my children were young, but had to support myself, post-divorce.
I also began mentoring female survivors of sexual assault and women in recovery from drug addiction and alcoholism. I now believe that my suffering was for a reason — so that I could help others. I speak out about sexual assault and, inevitably, after a talk, a woman or two will approach me in tears about sharing my story, which was much like hers.
What character traits have you transferred from your addiction to your current achievements? Please share both the positive and negative.
Part of recovery in the 12-step program is to work on our character defects. So I am continually working on changing negative traits I see in myself. I am still an impatient alcoholic, however. Just because I no longer drink does not mean that my alcoholic behavior does not sometimes seep back in, from time to time. But I am more self-aware and I take regular inventories of my behavior as a sober person.
Ok super. Here is the main question of our interview. Can you share five pieces of advice that you would give to a person who is struggling with some sort of addiction but ashamed to speak about it or get help?
Ask for help. You need not suffer alone. Check out www.AA.org to find a meeting near you. Many meetings are online, and there are volunteers who will answer your call.
You are enough. We are all perfectly imperfect humans, but you are here for a reason. We all can bloom where we are planted, and your suffering may equip you to help another person.
Reach out to someone else. Often, helping another person can get us out of our own heads and make us feel better about ourselves.
Remember, it is progress, not perfection. If you slip, get up and try again. If you choose to go to a 12-step program, we will welcome you even if you relapse. But not doing anything or not trying to change is a choice, too. Do not settle for a life you don’t like.
Be intentional about how you spend your time. Are you living a life true to who you want to be? Are you surrounding yourself with supportive, positive people? Are you moving toward your life goals? If not, do something different. Your life is happening right now.
We are very blessed that some very prominent names in Business, VC funding, Sports, and Entertainment read this column. Is there a person in the world, or in the US with whom you would love to have a private breakfast or lunch, and why? He or she might just see this if we tag them.
I very much would love to meet Oprah. She overcame a lot of adversity to become one of the most respected, successful people of our time. It would be such an honor to have a conversation with her!
How can our readers further follow your work online?
My website is www.MariaLeonardOlsen.com and you can follow me on social media at @FiftyAfter50.
Thank you for these fantastic insights. We greatly appreciate the time you spent on this.
https://medium.com/authority-magazine/maria-leonard-olsen-on-how-to-achieve-great-success-after-recovering-from-an-addiction-d6a4e4c212b7