Interview in Authority Magazine: How I Reinvented Myself in the Second Chapter of My Life
Many successful people reinvented themselves in a later period in their life. Jeff Bezos worked in Wall Street before he reinvented himself and started Amazon. Sara Blakely sold office supplies before she started Spanx. Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson was a WWE wrestler before he became a successful actor and filmmaker. Arnold Schwarzenegger went from a bodybuilder, to an actor, to a Governor. McDonald’s founder Ray Croc was a milkshake-device salesman before starting the McDonalds franchise in his 50's.
How does one reinvent themselves? What hurdles have to be overcome to take life in a new direction? How do you overcome those challenges? How do you ignore the naysayers? How do you push through the paralyzing fear?
In this series called “Second Chapters; How I Reinvented Myself In The Second Chapter Of My Life “ we are interviewing successful people who reinvented themselves in a second chapter in life, to share their story and help empower others.
As a part of this interview series, I had the pleasure of interviewing Maria Leonard Olsen.
Maria Leonard Olsen is an author, attorney, recovery mentor, writing/empowerment retreat leader, podcaster (“Becoming Your Best Version”) and co-host of D.C.’s “Inside Out” radio show on WQPW fm. Her latest book, 50 After 50 — Reframing the Next Chapter of Your Life, has served as a vehicle to help thousands of people across the country reinvigorate their lives and become their best version.
Thank you so much for doing this with us! Before we start, our readers would love to “get to know you” a bit better. Can you tell us a bit about your childhood backstory?
Iam the product of a biracial union, when interracial marriage was illegal in 17 states. My parents had to go to a different state to get married. I always felt out of place, as the only brown person in a sea of white in my schools, neighborhoods and workplaces. It was not until I turned 50 that I felt comfortable with myself!
Can you please give us your favorite “Life Lesson Quote”? Can you share how that was relevant to you in your life?
“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent,” which is attributed to Eleanor Roosevelt. I used to give my power away and am now a recovering people-pleaser. I stay away from negative people and negative energy. I surround myself with people who help me to become my best version.
You have been blessed with much success. In your opinion, what are the top three qualities that you possess that have helped you accomplish so much? If you can, please share a story or example for each.
Not taking things personally. I realized, after internalizing the lessons in Don Miguel Ruiz’s The Four Agreements, that everyone has their own realities and that what others do often has nothing to do with me. Once I dropped that rock, I was able to reach my potential.
Resilience. I have experienced trauma in my life. But I do not give up. We cannot. I use my pain as a force for good. I now help victims of sexual assault and abuse. I believe everything happens for a reason.
Curiosity. Each person and situation has the ability to teach us something if we are open to the lesson. I try to learn something new every day. If I do not know a word, I look it up. As a result, I have a strong vocabulary. Learning keeps my brain nimble and helps me feel alive.
Let’s now shift to the main part of our discussion about ‘Second Chapters’. Can you tell our readers about your career experience before your Second Chapter?
I was an attorney in one of the largest law firms in Washington, D.C., before I was appointed by President Clinton to a position at the U.S. Department of Justice. After I had two children, I took 15 years off from practicing law. I feel fortunate to have had the ability to stay home with my children.
And how did you “reinvent yourself” in your Second Chapter?
At age 50, I got sober, divorced, became an empty nester, and was living alone for the first time in my life. I initially felt rudderless. I had to change almost everything about my life. For my 50th birthday gift to myself, I tried 50 new things to determine how I wanted to live the next chapter of my life. The things I tried included spiritual endeavors, learning & teaching, physical challenges, adventure travel, social activities, lifestyle changes and thrill-seeking ventures. While I will not repeat all of these things, they each taught me an important lesson and helped me shape this chapter.
I wrote a book about this transformation, called 50 After 50: Reframing the Next Chapter of Your Life. It has been used as a vehicle to help thousands of people across the country to reinvigorate their lives. I went back to practicing law part time, I am a radio show host, a podcast host, mentor to women recovering from addiction and abuse, a public speaker and author. I am leading a life authentic to my values.
Can you tell us about the specific trigger that made you decide that you were going to “take the plunge” and make your huge transition?
The three huge life-changing events of getting divorced, sober and becoming an empty-nester. Getting sober makes one have to re-evaluate one’s life and to remove all negative triggers. I believe the 12 steps of Alcoholics Anonymous are a wonderful guide to becoming a good human. They are all about believing in something bigger than yourself, cleaning house and paying it forward.
What did you do to discover that you had a new skillset inside of you that you haven’t been maximizing? How did you find that and how did you ultimately overcome the barriers to help manifest those powers?
Much reflection on what is most important to me. I believe that our purpose is discover how to be of service in the world. It is to make the world a better place because we were here.
How are things going with this new initiative? We would love to hear some specific examples or stories.
At my book talks, at least one person comes up to me in tears telling me that I changed their life. I believe that when someone no longer thinks they are alone in their experiences, that they can heal. For example, despite the fact that one out of four women in the U.S. will be sexually assaulted in their lifetime, few people talk about it. When I speak publicly about my experience in this regard, women inevitably cry. I believe I am helping others not only survive, but thrive.
Is there a particular person who you are grateful towards who helped get you to where you are? Can you share a story about that?
The book, The Four Agreements, changed my life profoundly. I learned to not take things personally, to speak my truth clearly, and not to make assumptions. I realized that we each have different realities and that I have the ability to change mine. I went on a retreat with the author, Don Miguel Ruiz, which cemented the teachings in this book for me.
Can you share the most interesting story that happened to you since you started in this new direction?
Now that I accept myself as perfectly imperfect, I can deal with life’s challenges much more easily. I can wear life like a loose garment. My son was having great difficulties and I had to accept that I was not his higher power and that he had to learn things on his own terms. In fact, trying to fix things for him deprived him of learning opportunities. It was so painful to witness his pain and learning process. But he is doing so well now.
Did you ever struggle with believing in yourself? If so, how did you overcome that limiting belief about yourself? Can you share a story or example?
I suffered from imposter syndrome for many years. I had many secrets. I believed that if others knew the truth about me, they would want nothing to do with me. It was not until I dealt with my life’s traumas that I could become whole. It was like holding a beach ball underwater; it took a tremendous amount of psychic energy to keep my traumas secret, and the negativity would pop up unexpectedly when triggered. I had to, for example, process my childhood sexual abuse, so that I could move on from it. I now can talk about it without crying. Most importantly, I can help other women process their grief.
In my own work, I usually encourage my clients to ask for support before they embark on something new. How did you create your support system before you moved to your new chapter?
Being in a 12-step program was key for me. My sober sisters loved me until I could love myself. I felt so understood and supported by these extraordinary women. They continue to be my lifeline.
Starting a new chapter usually means getting out of your comfort zone, how did you do that? Can you share a story or example of that?
Shortly after I got divorced, I sold or donated many of my belongings, put the rest in storage, and traveled to the other side of the world to volunteer in a remote Himalayan village. It became an exercise in gratitude. I learned to focus on all that I had — including good health, access to medical care, food and clean water — rather than all that I had lost. It reframed everything. I no longer take my blessings for granted.
What are your “5 things I wish someone told me before I started leading my organization” and why? Please share a story or example for each.
You cannot please everyone. I made myself sick trying to please other people. Now I practice self-care and do my best to help myself become my best version.
If you are unhappy, change something. We are each responsible for our own happiness. I used to search for outside affirmations as a barometer of my self-worth.
Be intentional with your time. We are often more careful with how we spend our money than our time. Yet a time is our most precious commodity. We cannot get more, and we have no idea how much we have. So I am now much more intentional about how I spend my time. I ask myself if what I am doing or asked to do is bringing me closer to my goals or who I want to be. If the answer is no, I say no.
Practice meditation. Meditation need not be very time-consuming. It can simply consist of a deep cleansing breath. It can help you stay centered and be more mindful as you move through your day.
Practice the pause. Take time to respond, rather than simply to react. This can save you much pain and improve all of your relationships. My relationships with my adult children are much better now that I no longer offer advice unless they ask me for it. I listen more to understand than to answer.
We are very blessed that some very prominent names in Business, VC funding, Sports, and Entertainment read this column. Is there a person in the world, or in the US with whom you would love to have a private breakfast or lunch, and why? He or she might just see this if we tag them. :-)
Oprah. She is an amazingly versatile woman who overcame significant adversity and uses her platform to help so many people in the world.
How can our readers further follow your work online?
Check out my website, www.MariaLeonardOlsen.com, follow me on social media (@FiftyAfter50), listen to my podcast (“Becoming Your Best Version”) on iTunes at https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/becoming-your-best-version/id1562910379 or anywhere you listen to podcasts, and purchase by book on Amazon (https://www.amazon.com/50-After-Reframing-Next-Chapter/dp/1538136643/), Audible or wherever you get your books.
Thank you so much for sharing these important insights. We wish you continued success and good health!
https://medium.com/authority-magazine/maria-leonard-olsen-second-chapters-how-i-reinvented-myself-in-the-second-chapter-of-my-life-4596487062d5